I recently did a radio interview and before going live, the producer jumped on to give me the rundown. She told me the theme of the show, and a bit about the guest before casually mentioning how she looked through my channel and wanted me to know that they’re a clean radio show.
I feel this could have offended someone. Not me. Her comment just reinforced the fact that I’m honouring my truth through my work.
Confused? Let me explain…
‘Don’t you want people to like you?’
When I started @WayofGray, I wanted people to like me. I wanted people to approve of what I was doing.
Does that make me vain? Does that make me the problem with society? No. It’s programed within us, to our very core, to seek approval from others.
You see, when we first arrived on this little place called earth, we needed to be accepted in order to survive. So, my desire for acceptance literally makes me a human being.
Back to swearing…
With my desire to be accepted in mind, I created an image that I knew people would like. I wasn’t knowingly deceiving people. I was actually only deceiving myself. I believed I was the image I had created and I turned this image into my identity, without fully understanding how I was disrespecting who I truly was in the process.
With this image of being someone everyone liked, swearing didn’t make the cut. I was labeled as cute, and adorable. And gosh darn it, cute and adorable people just don’t swear.
But, Sophie Gray fucking does.
Whooooooop, there it is. The first f-bomb.
My use of the word fucking might have just offended you. There’s a part of me that wants to understand why, but we can leave that for another day…
However, if you’re operating from the belief that young woman shouldn’t talk like that. I simply ask you to explore why you think you have the right to tell a young lady what she can and cannot do.
(I want to make it clear: I do NOT swear at people. Do I call people ‘fucking bitches’ and ‘pieces of shit’? No. Do I simply include the occasional ‘fuck’ and ‘shit’, and ‘mother fucker’ here and there? Yes.)
As weird as it sounds, holding myself back from swearing was a way I was holding myself back from who I truly am.
Does my identify revolve around swearing? Absolutely not.
But the fact that I needed to censor myself regularly is where the problem lies. I was valuing the opinion of others more than I was valuing myself.
You may not swear, but I know you understand where I’m coming from…It’s about honouring your truth chain.
How are YOU holding yourself back from your truth?
- Do you wear your hair a certain way because someone told you they don’t like the way it looks, even if that way is a way you like?
- Do you wear certain clothes to compliment your figure (ugh, fucking gag, hate that statement) and never wear the clothes you actually like?
- Do you say, act, do, and choose certain things with others in mind while ignoring what you actually want to say, act, do and choose?
The answer is probably yes, in a small or big way.
You may be reading this thinking how silly and small it is to view wearing certain clothes as a rejection of yourself. But, that’s the thing…These small things add up. You compromise here and there. You say this and that. You do that and this. And while you say, act, do and choose these things that go against who you are, you’re quietly telling TRUE self to take a seat.
Fuck. Shit. Balls. Fuck. Motherfucker. Ass. Fuck shit balls fuck.
I want you to honour yourself. I want you to choose the opinion you hold of yourself, regardless of what others think. I want you to respect who you truly are.
Wear the clothes you want. Get bangs, even if your sister doesn’t think they’ll look good. Swear. Cry in public. Let people know how they make you feel. Allow yourself to be yourself.
I’m fucking begging you.
Don’t get me wrong. This isn’t about blatantly ignoring others either. I didn’t swear on the radio show. I understand that there are times where we need to follow more widely accepted rules.
But, will I censor myself through this channel anymore even when people tell me how disgusting it is? No, I fucking won’t. And, I hope you won’t hold yourself back from your truth, either.